sorry i haven't been blogging alot this past few days.
i have been really busy going back and forth to the hospital until 10PM with my grandmother.
if some of you don't know yet, my grandfather was warded in the SICU since last monday.
However, he has just passed away on tuesday morning.
my mother got a call from my aunt who was staying at the hospital, saying that datuk's heart stopped, but the doctors managed to revive him again.
so my mom and dad rushed to the hospital to be by his side.
all of datuk's anak-anak was there to see him breathe his final breath of air.
they were all busy reading prayers to him.
i woke up at 3.45AM that morning after datuk passed away at 2.20AM to the sounds of my distraught grandmother crying in the room. i kind of knew what happened, but i had to confirm my intuitions. so my father came out and told me "datuk passed away."
that got me started crying. mind you, im like this drama-mama queen. it hasnt hit me yet that datuk is gone and is not coming back forever. he has been in the hospital for 18 days, and so i have been getting used to datuk not being at home and is still in the hospital. i was supposed to be taking care of him on tuesday, on the day he passed away. anyway, i reached pak long's place at about, 7 or 8 in the morning, and my datuk's jenazah was already there. i kissed him once on the forehead and datuk was actually smiling. im not kidding. he looked so serene and clean. he looked happy. he is not in pain and no longer in any sufferings. he had had stroke for 11 years and memories of him coming back from his shop at geylang is blurry but i still have them with me. i cried alot on that day. when they were reading the tahlil, i cried so much that busu said i was so violent when i cried. i couldn't help it okay. i had just realised that that was going to be the last time i was going to see him. the last thing i said to him was, "datuk rest ok". i am extremely saddened because i wasnt given the chance to tell him that i love him so much. i have heard so many stories of him and he was no less than the greatest man i have ever met in my whole entire life. he helped so many people when he was still able to. he helped his sisters get their children to school. he helped people finincially, but he was cheated once. he went for haj three times. he never forgot about Allah swt. nenek told me yesterday that everytime datuk wakes up, even tho its not even time for prayers, he would always say, "aku nak sembahyang". he never liked listening to nenek mengumpat. (yeah, women have tendency to do that without realising it).

two days ago, when datuk passed away, the solat jenazah was held at the mosque. according to uncle Jamal, when they reached, the mosque was fairly empty, but when they started the solat, the mosque was suddenly full and when the solat ended, it was empty again. my only thought is that the malaikat(s) followed him to the mosque and all.

dearest datuk,
i will always remember the time when:

• i used to push you around the swimming pool. (although i love pushing you too fast like rollercoaster and yet you never complained).
• we always sing "begawan solo" and you would say, "bukan gitu", and start singing yourself while we all be your backup singers (with all our horrible voices)
• i always play with your tongkat as tho it was a pogo-stick
• i always helped you with your ubat-ubat
• you talked about your late mother and how she would sell epok-epok for a living.
• i baked you cookies and cakes and you would eat them all
• you scold us by saying "HEP!"
• i always prank nenek by walking with your tongkat, pretending that i was you instead (it didn't really work tho cos nenek knows all)
• you laugh at my lame jokes
• everytime i salam you, you would always kiss me on the forhead
• you were still healthy, you would come back home and us cucus will rush up to you and give you a BIG hug
• my family visit you at your shop at Geylang, you would always give me and kakak fatin pomegranate to eat on the way home
• i always asked you what you used to sell last time (satay, buah-buahan....)
• i HUGGED you all the time.
• i was going for my O levels, you would always ask "nak pergi mane ni?"
• we leave for holidays i would wave goodbye from the car to you and say "datuk jangan naughty okay?"
• i leave for school and called out your name to wave goodbye

everyone redha that Allah swt has taken datuk away. he was in so much pain. datuk dah tak merana lagi. i don't like seeing datuk in pain. kalau boleh, we all wanted to share the burden all together. datuk is smiling, kata afiah, "datuk senyum pasal datuk dapat jumpa dengan Allah". mind you, she is only EIGHT and that was intelligence right there. if datuk is still here, he would have had prostate cancer.

Ya Allah, Alhamdulillah datuk dah tak dalam kesakitan lagi. Ini semua telah diatur dengan sempurna. Semoga Allah mencucuri rahmat ke atas rohnya. Amin



XOXO alia